Bring her home - Jack
by tigpop
Summary: "Bring her home. And instead you lost her, in one of the most dangerous places in the world. Somewhere beneath the vast expanse of dirt and sand and blazing heat in front of you." A Nikki/Jack one shot (Jack's point of view).


***SPOILERS* for Series 20, Episode 5, Awakening**

I haven't published a one-shot in nearly 5 years (which is quite scary as it does NOT feel that long ago), so to say I'm rusty is an understatement.

So, this is because I haven't tried writing Jack before. Because I have writer's block for KIYS and need to get back into it. And because they deserved a reunion.

(My last attempt at uploading didn't work – told you, rusty!)

. . . . . . . . . .

 _Take my hand, stay Joanne_

 _Heaven's not ready for you_

 _Every part of my aching heart_

 _Needs you more than the angels do_

 _\- Lady GaGa_

Bring her home - Jack

You're numb.

Every nerve in your body is screaming at you to run, and yet you can't move.

You have been running all day; screaming to the dirt and cursing yourself internally every time you hit the next brick wall. Both figuratively and literally.

But you still want to run. Because at least then you'd be doing something other than just staring at a hole in the ground as if expecting to see a flash of dirty blonde hair emerge.

You had one job. Thomas had trusted you, had let you leave the Lyell for one reason only, and you had let him down. Let Nikki down. In the worst way possible.

"Bring her home."

The words that have haunted you ever since you found Eva in the car. Bring her home. And instead you lost her, in one of the most dangerous places in the world. Somewhere beneath the vast expanse of dirt and sand and blazing heat in front of you.

The ringing in your ears grows louder as the blood in your veins rushes up the back of your neck, making you feel light headed. You feel sick and swallow back the urge to throw up on the spot, the acid burning your throat.

Your whole body is shaking with- well, you aren't quite sure. Shock. Grief. Hunger? You haven't eaten anything in hours, have ignored the pounding behind your eyes as your body screams for water.

Nikki doesn't have anything, so why should you?

Slowly, your surroundings sharpen from the blur of chaos.

The metal shudders, the earth cracks, the crowd of people cheer, weep, cling together for comfort and yet you remain rooted to the spot. Your phone still held in your hand, useless now that all power had gone from Nikki's, but still feeling like your only lifeline. Like hope, even though you know all hope is now gone. It was your only link to Nikki, and now it has died.

Your breath catches in your chest at the thought.

No, you couldn't think like that. Just because the phone had reached zero didn't mean that Nikki had.

Nikki was still out there, alone and scared and you had no idea where she was.

Gustavo is watching you as Louisa clings to her father, with an expression of sympathy. Had he known that you wouldn't find Nikki here? Had he only been looking for Louisa, even when he was listening to you shout Nikki's name at the top of your lungs, begging for someone, anyone, to help him

Possibly. But you doubt you would have done any different.

There's a part of you that's furious with Nikki, and even though you hate the feeling you can't stop it. You can't help but feel betrayed; she had tricked you. Had sent you to the scrap yard knowing that you wouldn't find her. Knowing that her battery was going to run out, her air would disappear, she would die and you would find Louisa.

Why did she have to be so bloody stubborn, even to the very end!

And smart. Too smart. You were the one who had told her to think over every case she'd ever worked on, you just hadn't expected her to actually manage it. But she had. Even buried beneath the ground in a box rapidly running out of air she had managed to work out the solution, had managed to save over twenty people from imminent death.

And you. You can't even save one.

"Jack?"

Gustavo's voice sounds distant, although you can see him standing in front of you, and you turn away. Why did he deserve the happy ending and not you?

When you had started at the Lyell Centre you could tell Nikki wasn't sure of you. It took her months to warm to your jokes, even longer to agree to a drink after work. She had fixated on cases until she was physically and mentally exhausted, and you were constantly aware of Leo watching her, a frown across his greying eyebrows, a look of concern in his eyes.

Of course now you know the reason why. After a few extra drinks one night Leo had mentioned Harry and suddenly you could cut the tension with a knife.

"Harry who?" Nikki had frowned, and you could see the hurt in her eyes even as she finished what was left in her wine glass in one mouthful.

It had taken time, but slowly you had managed to convince her that you weren't there to replace Harry. That you were there as a colleague, a friend, someone to trust. And with Clarissa around, keeping you in check, watching over Nikki without her knowing, she had opened up into the person you knew she was.

She stopped hiding. Had become your friend. Your family.

And now you had lost her.

The rage that had been building within you suddenly feels uncontainable as you fall to your knees and scream to your surroundings, until every morsel of air escapes your lungs, leaving you feeling exhausted. Empty.

"Come on Jack."

You move on autopilot as someone places their hand on the back of your shoulder, guiding you into the waiting car. Surrounded by people, you suddenly feel completely alone. Which is ridiculous. Nikki's the one that's alone, waiting for you to find her. And you know you have to stick by what Thomas has asked of you. You're not leaving here without her.

You're taking her home, one way or another.

Which brings back memories of bringing Leo home that you'd like to forget, making your chest hammer once more as you fight away the grief.

Ernesto meets you as soon as you're back, an expectant look on his face as he gazes over your shoulder. And yet all you can do is shake your head, swallowing the lump in your throat as your eyes sting with unshed tears.

"Where is she?" he asks as the room began to flood with people. "Where's Nikki?"

"She wasn't there," you shoot back, pushing past Ernesto and away from the crowd that's forming.

"Then where are you trying next?" he continues, following behind you.

You feel your fists clench and your heartbeat quicken. Even in London it would be difficult to track someone down, but there at least you would have CCTV on every corner, phone tracking equipment, concrete under your feet. Here, as far as the eye could see, all you could picture now was a graveyard.

And Nikki was lost out there somewhere.

"I don't know," you mumble as you make your way out the back door.

"I can help."

"How!" you don't mean to shout, but you've been acting as if you were in control all day, have been telling Nikki that you were almost there, lying to her, and you've had enough. "How do you think you can help? Did your mother tell you where she had buried Nikki before she died? Did she leave you a note with directions?"

"No," Ernesto mumbles and you notice the guilt that crosses his features.

You check the time on your phone just to look away from him and your stomach flips. Nikki should be dead by now, going by your calculations. Which was a calculation you never thought he'd have to make. But she was still alive when the battery had finally given out.

She might still be alive now. Ernesto was right, you had to keep looking. You had to bring her home, no matter what. She couldn't become a face on the wall, a missing body never to return. Thomas was on his way. He would look at you with that disapproving stare of his knowing that this was your fault, and he would be right.

How could you even begin to explain to Thomas what you've done in the past twenty-four hours. Or Clarissa. You can picture her now, resting a warm reassuring hand upon yours and trying to hide her disappointment in you. You had told her you'd be ok. And now you're so far from ok it hurts.

How could they ever look at you the same way again after you'd failed to save her.

You'd purposefully poisoned someone, saved his life, then watched his brains splatter in front of you across the dusty track road, all to save Nikki's life, and for nothing.

If was your fault he was dead.

You're terrified at how quickly you had punched the paramedic in the nose, your cage fighting instinct bursting out in a fraction of a second. You didn't even feel guilty about it.

It was your fault he now had a broken nose.

You had shouted and screamed and kicked your way through the day and then promised Nikki you'd find her. Promised that you'd all grow old together eating custard creams.

It was your fault she was given false hope.

"Maybe if we try the scrap yard again…"

You had almost forgotten Ernesto was still around until he spoke but you ignore him, taking out your phone and pausing before realising that you were going to call Nikki. The thought of never hearing her voice is again terrifying. She has sounded so calm when talking of Louisa. She had known her time was running out. And that hurt more than the sound of her desperate pleas to be rescued.

You promised her. And now you'd have to break the news to Thomas, to Clarissa, to Harry. Oh god, Harry. You'd spoken to him only once, unknown to Nikki, during a particularly horrendous case. One that left Nikki broken and exhausted and sleeping at the Lyell for almost a week. When you'd completely ran out of ideas to make it better.

And he had known what to do, even from the other side of the world. Why she never followed Harry to America you will never understand, but you can remember Harry's last words.

"Look after her for me."

And now you have to phone him to give him funeral arrangements. Or worse yet, tell him that you can't find her.

But Nikki had still been alive when you last spoke to her; if you had somehow miscalculated, if she somehow had some source of air, there was only so long she'd survive without water.

You had to think logically. What had she said the dirt tasted of? And there was a scorpion, so she wasn't near the scrap yard. Then there was the sound of rumbling. Or was it a truck nearby. A train? No, it couldn't be a train.

"If I hadn't come back-" Ernesto begins again but you can't listen. He's disrupting your train of thought.

"Stop it," you sigh. "You were a victim in all of this."

Silence again, before:

"But if I'd just stayed away from the archaeological site-"

And then it hits you like a tonne of bricks. Eva was likely to have taken Nikki somewhere she knew. Somewhere close but not too close to be seen. Somewhere that she had been thinking about following a recent discussion with her son.

"This site, the one you came back for, is it close by?"

Ernesto nods, and that's all you need.

And now you're running again. Running with a purpose. A destination.

"I need the keys."

You shout it at the nearest yellow shirt and get a grunt in reply.

"Jack, why-?" Gustavo is on his feet.

"Now!"

You practically grab the keys from the nearest outstretched hand and you're in the car within seconds, before you realise that you don't know where you're going.

You suddenly feel closer to Nikki than you have done in hours, and yet so far away.

"Move over."

Gustavo has a frown on his face that leaves no room for argument and so you slide over to the passenger side, leaving the keys in the ignition.

"You know where she is."

It's a statement, not a question.

"I think so," you nod.

"Alive?"

"I don't know," you admit and again feel the lump rise in your throat, which you quickly swallow.

"Then lets go."

The car starts first time as the dust cloud erupts behind you.

"You've only just got Louise back."

"Thanks to you," Gustavo looks at you sternly. "Let me repay the favour. Let's go find Nikki."

Gustavo drives quickly and you're not sure whether this is a good thing or not. If your calculations were right, then Nikki is already dead. And the thought of finding her still, lifeless body, the phone still in her hand after you had promised to find her; it makes you feel sick once again.

If your calculations had been wrong, if by some miracle she is still alive, then there are no guarantees that there was only one scorpion. She had told you that she was going to dig out. What if instead, she had just invited more scorpions in?

You had told her to do that. You had put the idea in her head. Another failure on your part.

"It's there," Gustavo points out and your gaze follows the direction of his outstretched hand until you see a dark brown mound in front of you, standing out boldly against the dusty backdrop.

You open the door as soon as the car stops but Gustavo doesn't move.

"Whatever you find out there, Jack, I'll be waiting here if you need me."

You nod once, not trusting yourself to open your mouth for fear of bursting into tears. You can't remember the last time you had ever felt like this.

Clarissa would have a field day if she knew you, the cage fighter, had actually shed a tear.

Your legs feel like lead as you force once foot in front of the other. Now that you're here, you still don't know where to begin to look. If you had thought of this place sooner, if Nikki was here, she would have heard you approach. You could have spoken to her. But now, you were both alone.

Which is when the forensic side of your brain kicks in. If you have even a slim possibility of finding Nikki, alive or otherwise, you're going to have to think logically.

"Be on the look out for tracks," you tell yourself, knowing that any footprints are likely to have been blown clear by now. "Search the area in blocks. Don't miss any section. Don't waste time by examining the same section twice."

Think logically.

But then you reach the dark mound you had spotted from the car, with its gentle decline down to the water's edge. And all logic leaves your body.

Because there she is.

After hours of frantic searching, dodging bullets and the Mexican cartel, after endless conversations in your head of how you're going to tell Thomas and Clarissa that you couldn't bring her home, there's Nikki.

And you feel numb again. Every muscle in your body has tensed, just like they do before a fight. Only this time, you're fighting with yourself not to break down on the spot.

"Nikki."

She's still, lying on the coarse sand with her arms stretched wide, eyes closed to the blazing sun. Yet even from a distance and despite the gentle wind, you can see the steady rhythm of her chest rise and fall.

She's alive.

"NIKKI!"

She looks up. Her eyes lock with yours and without realising it you're running again, this time, finally, toward your friend. Towards Nikki.

She stands and you reach her within seconds, wrapping your arms around her tightly and lifting her off her feet, spinning her around until you both stumble to the ground with a mixture of laughter and tears.

"You found me," she whispers into your chest and you finally let a sob escape your lips, which you quickly try to disguise as a cough. Not that Nikki would judge you, under the circumstances.

"I told you I would," you smile into her hair, feeling her grip your shirt that little bit tighter.

And you both lie there as you focus on evening out your breathing, Nikki lying on your chest with her eyes closed tight.

"You found me," she whispers again and you can't help but laugh.

"Could you imagine the amount of work Thomas would make me do, on my own, if I hadn't."

She laughs.

"Clarissa would make you work through the night," you feel her smile as her tears soak into your shirt.

"I'm sorry," you stutter, pulling her in tighter. "I thought I was too late. I thought-"

You can't bring yourself to admit the dark thoughts that have been running through your mind and you know the same thoughts will have entered Nikki's.

You lose all track of time as you lie on the sand, letting the water lap below your feet and the wind whip Nikki's hair across your eyes.

"You made me eat dirt," she finally states, and you laugh again.

"You were the one stupid enough to do it," you smirk, relief still flooding your veins.

"Is Louisa okay?"

You roll your eyes without her seeing, only slightly amazed that Nikki would ask such a question after narrowly avoiding death.

"She's fine," you reassure her, stroking her hair. "Reunited with her father and Gustavo, thanks to you."

"You're the one who found them."

"You're the one who lied to me to make sure I did."

There was silence between, the sounds of the water soothing after a day filled with screaming and gunshots.

"Sorry," she mumbles and again you roll your eyes.

"Not your fault," you smile. "Never your fault. You would never have forgiven yourself if we hadn't found Louisa."

You know that far a fact after struggling with the same feelings since Nikki went missing.

You fall silent again, arms entangled with no intention of ever unlocking, and it is only then that you remember Gustavo is waiting for you.

"Just a thought, Nikki," you smile. "How about we stay in London for a while. No more team bonding sessions in a remote country. With guns."

"Deal," she smiles, finally lifting her head until your eyes meet and for the first time in over twenty-four hours your body truly relaxes.

You have her back.

Your family remains unbroken.

"Lets go home."


End file.
